This is the language I use

Fuck me. i've been needing to write something down since last night and now I cant.

FUCK.

I can't believe it. maybe i'm too tired and sick.

I don't know. I'm upset. I lost a job again. Why can't I keep one for more than five days? Eh, I gave it a shot. Thats what I keep telling myself. im too tired to even get up and move. back to square one. the same place I started. Nothing changes. Nothing ever changes.

Relationships suck so bad. Thats what I keep telling myself. But how would I know? Ive never been in one. but i've learned that the thing is it isn't me. i dont wanna play game and hurt someone. I just want to know what its like to be loved, just for one minute. Fuck I hate bitchin bout this. why cant people just stop the bullshit and talk about how they feel? I see what people do to each other and it makes me sick. What a crock of shit. Looks, clothes, money doesnt matter to me. too bad no one else feels the same way. maybe its cuz ive been deprived of a relationship so i can say this and others cant. but when u find someone you truely care about and they dont want to relationship with you it hurts. especially cuz everything is based on trivial bullshit

Look at fuckin Kate. So ignorant, our friendship started the same way that Cotton's started and she fucking loved him even though he treated her like dirt. i treat that girl better than I ever treated anyone in my life but its not enough. I wouldnt care if she was fat, skinny, ugly...doesnt matter to me. but FUCK its me. TOO LATE TO BACK OUT NOW. So now i'm stuck. I love her too much. I would never want to hang around with someone like that if i had known. I hate being looked at like a joke. I hate her fucking trendy boyfriend and her claim to be "different". She's the same. Same as Grossman. Same as LaMaga.  You're not different! You have have the same teenage mind that everyone else does! "In your non-conformity you are so fucking conform" A simple song. But its so true its unreal, especially around her. store bought

rebellions and beliefs. ARGH I HATE IT! FUCK WHY DO THINGS AWLAYS HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH. Don't say i havent given. But this is reality. Harsh reality.