Why the fuck do I even bother?

I should have known things wold turn out this way from the beginning. What will it take to change shit around? How much longer do I have to go through this? Finally found someone that truly makes me happy and look what happens. The same thing that always happens. Maybe i'm a "social idiot" I don't know. or maybe still naive though I doubt that. To think i'll still find someone to care for me. This is all bullshit? Why do I still believe that shit? It's been the same way for 10 years. Just to know someone gave a shit about me would make my life so much easier. Just to see what it's like...maybe it's too late. I'm so cold inside. no. not to say you care and then laugh about it the minute i leave. I feel like an asshole. Who am I to complain?...I can honestly say I hate it. Am i the only asshole who thinks this way? Seems like most people who claim that shit are full of shit. I wonder what it'd feel to (indecipherable) something, or to get what i've needed all this time.